I'm just a ball of pregnancy emotions. Some days, I feel like having 2 children is going to be something I'll totally be able to handle. Other days, I feel like I just don't know how I'm going to do it. No matter what, I know we'll all survive and that it'll be fine but, I don't want to just survive, I want to do it WELL. I have high expectations for myself and for my kids.
It's all emotions because at certain times of the day, I am just so excited and feel like I have it all under control and then later, that same day I start to wonder how I'll manage. Well, more than manage, I wonder how I'll do it well.
It's funny because my entire life, I've always known that I'm supposed to be a mom. I've been so blessed to be able to conceive easily and so far, have easy healthy pregnancies. I've always loved kids. In highschool, I was the church babysitter. At 15, I had a job babysitting 4 kids, 8-5 Mon.- Fri. and I got paid $25 a day. Not too bad! Those weren't my kids though and I never obsessed about them learning how to feed themselves with a spoon or drink from a cup without a lid. Judah is learning to feed himself and sometimes I feel so un-sure about how to teach him all these things. Do you just let them go to town and clean your floors and everything within 4 feet afterwards or do you teach them with boundaries? There must be a happy compromise. I can't be too rigid, I have to let him be a kid but, he also needs to learn.
Then I think about how his life will change in 3 months. He's going to have to share me and although it'll be so exciting to have this precious little baby, it's a bit scary that I'm going to be dividing my attention.
I'm so glad that they'll be close in age and I believe that he's going to be a great big brother but, I worry sometimes about how he'll handle the change. It's funny how I can know that I'm supposed to do something but, it can still seem so daunting. For example, my husband and I have always agreed that we want 3 or 4 children but, I also like to have a clean, organized home. I know it's possible to have both but, to be honest, sometimes I wonder.
The bottom line.....
I'm excited and I know these are all just emotions and feelings. I tend to be an over-thinker and it feels good to get it down on "paper". I need to get better about asking God to help me with what seems challenging. I also know many moms that have many small children and to me, it looks like they are doing it well. So, it can be done, right?