This morning we stayed home from MOPS. Staying home when I know my friends are all having fun is something that I never enjoy doing but, I knew it needed to be done. Judah wasn't feeling a 100%, he looked tired and my mommy instinct told me to stay put.
We had a pretty good morning together. The kids watched a movie, we played outside and did a few other things. Before you we knew it, lunch time was here. As I came into the kitchen to fix lunch, Judah said "I need someone to play tractors with me. I need a Mommy to play with me." It melted my heart and made me ache all at the same time. I wanted to make lunch but, there was no way that I could say "no" to him. They way he said "I need a Mommy to play with me", tugged at me.
I got down on the floor and we drove. We drove around the rug that sits in front of the sink and made some "deliveries". After just a moment, my eyes were drawn to underneath our stove. Apparently, we have never cleaned under there. Actually, I'm not sure that anyone has ever cleaned under there. Never. Ever.
Somewhere in my rather short journey of motherhood, getting things "done" has started to feel more important and more rewarding than playing with my kids. This is not good. All my life when I was dreaming of being a mommy, I wasn't dreaming about having the floor underneath my stove clean or the rug in front of the sink, completely crumb-free. I know in my heart that when my kids are grown, those things won't be the things that mattered. The moments where we drove tractors around together will matter the most. Even though I know what really matters, this is an ongoing struggle that I have.