Monday, May 20, 2013

Goodbyes and a Birthday

Today was my 6 week follow-up postpartum appointment with my midwife. The appointment was totally uneventful and it hardly felt like there was a point in going, besides the fact that I love my midwife and I wanted to see her. Basically she just said "Oh Hey!....Wow, look at that huge baby!.....Hi Paisley!....So, how's it going with three? Well, you're doing awesome!......Ok, good luck!.....Bye!" And then she was gone and it was time for me to leave with my Eliza, who was asleep in her car seat and my Paisley, who had taken her shoes off and flung herself on the ground because she didn't want to leave. Both of those girls are predictable. Eliza sleeps. Paisley flings---food, shoes, herself, magazines, toys. You get the picture. Have I mentioned that two and a half hasn't been kind to us lately? That girl is just as sassy as she is sweet. And of course, she couldn't get any cuter, which makes it even more challenging.

Anyway. Getting back on track here, because this particular post isn't about two year olds.

Walking out of that office was a little emotional. I've had a lot of great moments in those rooms, between our 3 pregnancies, I've spent a lot of time there and I'm a bit sad to close that door. There's a possibility that someday we'll have more kids, but that's not guaranteed and if that does ever happen, I doubt it'll be anytime soon. Also, I imagine that if we ever have more, I'd deliver at home or at an off-site birth center, but again, three might be it.

Then of course, there's always the possibility that someday we might consider adopting. Even writing those words gives me that shaky, nervous, excited feeling. It's not something that I talk often about and really there isn't much to say about it. All I know is that God placed that desire deep down in me when I was very young and it's never gone away, even after having 3 beautiful kids of our own. It's in there and someday something might happen with it, if the right doors open and if it grows into something that my husband and I both feel like God is calling us to do.

I realized today that I'm not a fan of goodbyes. I actually don't even do goodbyes. I avoid them at all costs, sometimes unintentionally. On the drive home, I thought back to the first job that I ever really loved, when it came time for me to put in my 2 weeks and move on from that job, I didn't even tell a lot of my co-workers that I was leaving. I didn't want to say good bye, because it would make me so sad and I didn't want to even go there.

Fast forward to the job that I had up until 9 days before Judah was born. I never went back to work after he was born, but I never really quit either. I never went in to say good bye to those wonderful people, even though I should have. I loved them. That job was the best, but saying good bye didn't happen. I just couldn't do it. I had an office full of stuff there. Plants, pictures and all the normal stuff that people keep in their desk. I never even went back to get my stuff....weird, huh?

Saying good bye to my midwife today was hard because she's supported me on 3 of the best days of my life.  It's hard to close that door, but I'm finding excitement as I write this, knowing that God's plans our future are always for our best, even if that means that some doors need to close. As a big planner, I always feel like I need to have everything all lined up, but God's plans are always better than our own, so it's better to wait on Him and see what He has in store.
Our Pastor shared this verse yesterday and I just haven't been able to get over how good it is:

Jeremiah 33:3(NKJV) 
‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’

This weekend, we celebrated my Birthday with my Mom, step-dad, real Dad, sister, brother-in-law and their 3 kids. Filling our house with those guys was so fun. I'd choose them for family, even if we weren't related. My sister made the BEST Lemon- Blueberry cake ever. She has skills!
One of Paisley's many faces. Love this girl.
Sweet baby Eliza. Being her Mommy is an honor.
Sister, Grandma and babies. What a wonderful weekend it was!
Hoping your week is off to a great start,

1 comment:

  1. Dear Angela
    this post is so beautiful I think your photos are always so artistic!
    I have experienced the same feelings with good byes...leaving love behind and some stuff also!
    thank you! love, Mom


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