Sitting down with my jar of water, and a few bits of extra dark chocolate to write this post. This one is going to be hard, but sometimes hard is needed and this is where I'm at right now. So settle in with me here and hopefully this will make a little bit of sense....
I've been blogging for almost the entire time I've been a Mom. When Judah was just 4 months old, I started this blog, without any intentions or any idea on how great this creative outlet would be for me. With a happy baby (just ONE baby and not 3, holy moly!), I had no idea that as a Mom who stays home with her kids, having something that was for me, and just me, would be really important. When I started this blog, all I knew is that I wanted to have a space to document our daily life. To share our sweet, ordinary moments with pictures and words, not necessarily for anyone else, but for my own memory and for my family.
I love writing so much, I love the feeling of my fingers flying over the keyboard, when the words are flowing easily and the freeing feeling that comes after my thoughts are out. I love a good transparent post, that's received with comments, showing me that I'm not the only one, and that we all have our "thing" and that in the midst of our "things" and our failures, God is SO big and SO much bigger us.
Sharing recipes and sharing our daily adventures is so fun and such a great way to preserve our memories since I'm not a scrapbooker, but in the midst of it all, I've been feeling called to take a break.
See, blogging also comes with a lot of discouragement, loads and loads, if I'm going to be honest. Ouch. Writing those words flat out sucks, you guys. Somewhere along the line, I've started to feel like part of my worth depends on how many people read my blog, if my words matter, if you like the recipe that I post and so on.
And you know what? As long as my blog has anything to do with my worth, I'll never be enough. They'll always be someone who writes better, who takes better photos, who creates better recipes. I'm me and I'm learning that I'M enough, but I still struggle in this area. So for now, I'm taking a blogging break.
How long of a break am I taking? Well, I don't know. It might be a week, a month or just a few days. I'm on a break until I feel like my blog has nothing to do with who I am, but that my worth is only defined by HIM, the one who created me. I'll blog again when I feel comfortable writing for myself, and not for anyone else. I was created to write what's on my heart and to share transparently, but I can't do that when I'm worring about who's reading and what they think.
Here's the thing you guys---everyone has a story and we're meant to tell our story and encourage each other, but when we're doing it with fear or the wrong intentions, then we're not doing it right. There's a season for sharing our story and right now, my season is to dig in deep with my family. To look into those little eyes and realize that who I am is enough. To be kind and to remember that the little things I do at home matter.
Blogging will happen, I think it's part of me, but for now, I'm signing off. It's hard, so hard, to let go of something that I really want to hold onto. God's been telling me though, that I need to give it to Him and then when I let it go, He'll give it back to me, that is, when I'm ready for it.
Wrapping this up is hard, remember I don't do goodbyes? Well, I guess it's alright because I know this isn't goodbye. I'll write again, hopefully with much more peace and with much more of a clear picture from God on what He wants me to share. For now, we'll continue our adventures and I'll have more time to read and do important things like watch Duck Dynasty with my husband (ha!). And if you blog or you're thinking about starting your own place to share your story, please don't compare yourself to anyone else. Don't be discouraged if no one reads, just press on and be who you are---you are enough!
Lots of love.
And of course, I'm wrapping this up with the best thing I've read lately: Simple Mom- On Curing Cancer and Changing Diapers. I loved that post.