A few nights ago, I stayed up into the wee hours wrapping. Something happens when the house is quiet.
I feel like I can hear again.
Well yeah, I can hear all day long, too. But, late at night when it's just me and I'm wrapping away, I feel like I can breath. Like in the quiet, by grace, my thoughts make sense. Like everything that comes with having this young, crazy, fun family all has some sort of order, in a very strange-chaotic and beautiful sort of way. It felt like all that needs to be done, is actually getting accomplished. And like the sickness in our house is finally going to be completely gone and that maybe, just maybe, my whole family will be healthy and normal again.
As I stood over matching outfits for my girls, I felt so guilty for ever complaining. For ever doubting that this December might not come together. For ever setting up expectations for what Christmas should feel like anyway. After all, isn't each December different? With it's own feel, it's own page on a calendar of each, different year? Why should this December need to feel like one's of the past? Shouldn't I let go of any expectations?
I felt so bad for ever forgetting that this is the ONLY Christmas where they'll be 8 months, 3 years and 4 years old. For forgetting that this year, I'd be wrapping my Eliza's FIRST CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. EVER.
I remembered that they need to see me smiling and enjoying this crazy time of year and that MY attitude is way more important than any amount of to-dos I accomplish. I remembered that their faces reflect mine.
That their memories of December need to include a Mommy that was filled with joy-not filled with complaints.
So, I guess that's it. Being a Mom at Christmas carries a lot of weight, but it's such an honor. Oh, to be the one who gets to wrap someone's first presents EVER. I just can't get enough of that.
Well, we're off to enjoy a preschool program and in the next few days, we'll be having a cousin sleepover, doing some last minute Christmas shopping, making gingerbread men, going to a cookie exchange and hey---on the 26th, I'll be insisting that we all take a 3 day nap. Well, they might not go for it, but that's what I'LL be doing. They can fend for themselves.
Relax, I'm joking.
As you go about these last few days, try to remember that this is the ONLY year that they'll be 2 and 4, or 5, 7 and 9. Or, however old they are. It might feel crazy and your list might be pages long, but this is their one and only Christmas at this age. These days are one of a kind and so is this year. Maybe it's not the easiest or maybe it's the best. Regardless, it's irreplaceable.