Today she would have been 88, this sweet women that I think of daily. She's saturated throughout our life. The piano music that sits on the piano is scribbled with words, that she wrote special for me. She's on our fridge, in a 4x6, holding a puppy. She's in every butterfly that I see and every little red sports car that flies by. She's in every conversation about heaven that the kids and I have. I see her in Estee Lauder lipstick and I hear her in Diana Krall, because those were her favorites. She lived big and what she loved, she loved.
She ate ice cream and weighed herself every morning on not one, but two scales. She was a firm believer in retail therapy, and coffee and diet coke, poured from the can into a real glass with a straw, of course. She tried to hold my hand in the store when I was 17, just because she loved me that much. She liked to wash cars in the sunshine, drive her Miata with the top down and she loved Jesus.
She always said that she'd write a book, but instead she journaled. Today, I pulled out her journal and while my kids napped, I read her words. I'm sharing the first couple pages here tonight, in honor of her Birthday and what an amazing woman she was. I know she'd give me permission to do this, after all, she always did like to tell stories.
She wasn't one to keep her struggles a secret. She overcame a lot and then she went on to help others.
When I read this today, I realized that she was more than just a cool Grandma. She was a lady who dealt with a lot----lots more than I ever realized when I was younger. Let's take a look.
Written when she at the fierce, young age of 82.
"I saw the lemon of the front of this book on the sidewalk sale at the Hallmark store today & an old Dale Carnegie slogan came to mind. "Got a lemon? Make lemonade." Works for me, cuz that's what I'm gonna' be writing about.
Mon. 5/5 I had a talk with Dr. Findley, #1 Dr. & I have a chronic anemia & it's complicated & serious & not gonna' go away & I'm gonna' be uncomfortable w/ symptoms which are hard for me like very low energy. ME???
Well, for 34 hours. I had a rotten attitude-angry-denial- STINKIN' THINKIN'. Think'n goofy stuff like I'll just take all those sleeping pills & die 'cuz I won't be "me" anymore when I'm not the old jazzy, cool, high energy goin', rockin' little old lady.
Well, I was wrong.
It came to me so clearly how I'd asked God to use me anyway HE wants, without my permission.
(Diana Krall's singing "The Way you Wear Your Hat" I'll always love her the best).
In other words, HIS WILL & not-guess who? - Not Mine.
It was like almost audible "Use your illness as a way to witness" Pow!
Now, that's an HONOR & a priviledge. So, I've had a 100% attitude change. I'm just going to do every possible thing I can to make everybody I meet have a better day.
I thank God, truly and humbly, I sorta think I'm an encourager, an experience like this so makes things fall into perspective.
I'm shedding snobbish attitudes re: designer clothes and different types of people.
It's so wrong.
I'm getting it.
How can I just be growing up at 82 years old?
Better never grow up. I truly feel at peace about this. Totally. God won't take me home 1 minute too soon nor 1 minute too late & HE knew when I was carried in my Mother, all about me- how I'd go astray & find my way home & give my life to the Lord.
Had a great day with my dear friend today-precious time. I love being 100% me, no "put on" no trying too hard, never need ever to tell even a tiny lie-
I'm not making this journal a laundry list of my aches, pains etc.
No, this is about how I'm gonna make my LAST ACT walkin' in the GRACE of Jesus Christ, my Savior, obeying (even in the little stuff, when no body is lookin') & leaving all the consequences to HIM.
Roger and out.
Yep, she really wrote "Roger and Out". I love that feisty lady.