Thursday, February 20, 2014

Hearing Myself Think

I read something interesting the other day, that pretty much confirmed what I've been pondering on for awhile now. It was my hypothesis of sorts, that an article in a MOPS magazine confirmed as true---Basically, no one asks more questions IN THE WORLD than a 4 year old girl. Actual studies have been done and 4 year old girls can ask up to 400 questions PER DAY. Per day, people. 400, per day.
And since I have a daughter who's 3 1/2, I'd say that some days, we're averaging about 350 questions in a day. This is so, so, good. Truly, I believe that there is never a stupid question and we should all spend our lives asking questions.

The problem definitely isn't all the questions. The problem is me and how by 6pm, I feel like my brain slowly starts to leak out my ears. The kids ask questions and as I try to answer, this look comes over my face. I think my eyes start wobbling around in my head. I want to answer one more question, I want to smile and give a really great reply, but it's like it isn't physically possible. I try, but the words just wobble around in my head, unable to find their way out my mouth. They are lost, I am lost, in the sea of questions.
"Why does it do that Mama? Well, what is it? Hellllooooo Mama???" 
And my brain just flops.

So, I did something tonight that I haven't done before. When my husband came home from work, I kissed him and asked him if it'd be okay for me to pack up my Bible Study stuff, the laptop and my earphones and go hear myself think in Starbucks for awhile. It was glorious. Truly, glorious. I blasted the same 2 worship songs for over an hour and God met me right there, in that room hustling with all sorts of people.

I realized tonight that there's something good about being alone. It recharges me. I love, love, love times out with friends, but I think we all need time alone. It was loud in there, but I wasn't responsible for any of them. For a moment, it was just me, my Bible study and my pen. The room hummed, but in all of that, I found that white space that I've been craving.

I feel like I'm coming into this sweet spot with Mothering right now. Eliza is getting to that age where she can be left with Daddy for a few hours, but she's still my baby. I can go hear myself think for a bit, write, do my Bible study and then come home, recharged and sit and feed her for bedtime. That newborn stage is so very sweet, but it doesn't leave much freedom and yes, it's a bit sad that we aren't there anymore. We've moved onto that stage where they're all still small, but this Mama is regaining just a touch of freedom. I'm seeing that I need that time to think, to pray, to actually hear God.

I need moments in my day where I'm NOT multi-tasking, where I'm slowing down and carving out time to just hear Him speak to me and tell me who I am. Moments, where I can be recharged so, I can go back and be who I was created to be.

And for anyone who reads this and wishes that they could have just a moment alone, I just want to say that I get it. My husband has a really wonky work schedule and works more than any guy I know so, these moments don't just come easy for our family. Actually, it's totally the opposite. We are far from that family who's Daddy arrives back home at 4, 5 or even 6pm. We are a bit different, but I thank God for a man that lets me go and recharge when he's able to.
Here's to answering 350 questions well tomorrow.

Angela

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