Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Happy to be Back

As I awoke this morning, I rolled over in bed and grabbed my phone (don't judge, you do it too). Someone on Instagram (unfortunately I can't remember who) posted something that stuck with me all day.
"Do something everyday that makes your heart sing." 

After a morning spent playing with friends, the kids went down for a quiet time and I sat still for a moment. What is it that makes my heart sing? More times than I can count, I've told my husband that I just wish I had a life coach. I joke about it, but it's one of those jokes that isn't really a joke.

I'm Mama to three little ones. Sometimes I can't even remember what it is that I love, but I know that whatever it is....I want to do it and I want to do it everyday and I want to encourage other Mamas with a house full of little ones to do those things that make their hearts sing as well. 

A little while later, I put on Curious George and fell asleep for a few minutes. I awoke to Judah standing over me with a thank you note in his hand. That kid.

So often I just want to know that I'm not screwing up as a Mom and then I'm handed a thank you note by my 6 year old son. Just because. It's like God whispered to me that really, I'm okay. It's like we're always wishing we could hear God in an audible voice, but what we really need to do is open our eyes to the way He works through the people around us, especially our kids.

We turned off Curious George and went outside. We brought crayons, notebooks, binoculars, a camera for Judah to use and my big camera, that I've let sit on the shelf far too much lately. 

Together we sat in the sun and we drew pictures of what we saw. It was simple. It was glorious. In that moment, I realized that little moments like this are one of those things that make my heart sing.

I've missed this space. When I wrote my last blog post over 2 months ago, I strongly considered never blogging again. It's hard when comparison sinks in and you start wondering if your life is "blog worthy". Big words like "readership" and "following" start getting thrown around....and all you wanted in the beginning was to share little bits of your life, for memory keeping sake and suddenly you struggle with words like "platform" and you wonder if you're doing it for the right reasons.

So, I stepped back for awhile and I missed this creative outlet enough to know that yes, it still belongs in my life. I missed writing and taking photos. Photography has helped me see even long, mundane days as blessings.

I tried to switch my blog to Wordpress and if you know anything about switching an established blog from Blogger to Wordpress, you might know what a tricky switch it can be. For me, everything switched over fine, but all the links to my blog from Pinterest were broken and after spending hours on the phone trouble shooting with the folks over at GoDaddy, we couldn't fix it. Most of my traffic comes from Pinterest and I don't want to be that blog with all the broken links and so, I decided to go back to Blogger. I tried and unfortunately, I don't have a big success story to share. The good news is that while Wordpress is better in so many ways, Blogger is fine too and all of that really doesn't matter. 

What really matters is that we allow whatever form of creativity we have in us, to come out. If you love painting, paint! If you want to write, write! If you run, then go run! And if you're like me and you love to write, connect and find beauty with your camera, then my goodness, go out and do it. 

I've spent way too many years of my life comparing myself to others, wondering if my life was good enough, if I mothered well enough, if I wrote well enough, if I was fun enough, or organized enough. The last time I got my hair cut, I asked for something different. I asked her to cut it for me to wear it curly, because that's how God made me. For EVER, I've asked for a cut where I could "straighten" it and if you know me in real life, you know that I only straighten my crazy curls a handful of times a year. It takes forever, it's not who I am. If it rains, all of my work is for nothing. Finally, I decided to just be who God made me and stopped being so embarrassed, if it's a little different.

I hope authenticity trickles over into this space, too. I don't want the idea of perfection to become more important that honesty. My new hope is that I can write here freely and sprinkle all of who God made me and who my family is all over these pages. If it inspires you and changes you for the better, that's great. If you think I'm boring or too bubbly and you don't understand why I'd ever take a selfie with one of my chickens, that's okay too. I'm not here for your acceptance or approval.

To me, life is so obviously broken and beautiful all at the same time. We all get to decide if we want to hold our magnifying glass over the hard moments or the moments that can make an ordinary life so sweet. This space is where I focus on the beautiful and I'm happy to be back. 


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